Can you imagine how it feels like having 2,3 kids or a twin in the family? How about those couples with more than 4 or even 7 kids plus a dog and a cat?. Do you know why I am asking this and what I am talking about? Yes, I am talking about parenting. I am a father of two boys and ever since I became a father, it is a struggle on how to handle my kids as a parent especially now that they are growing so fast. First, let’s all together review or look at the meaning of parenting from Wikipedia. Parenting or child rearing is the process of promoting and supporting the physical, emotional, social, and intellectual development of a child from infancy to adulthood. Parenting refers to the intricacies of raising a child and not exclusively for a biological relationship.
To promote and support connotes a big responsibility. It started when you first heard the cry of your child in the delivery room. It was a feeling of happiness after an exhausting hour of waiting and pushing. At last, a baby was born and in your arms is an angel in the family. You are about to embark on a new journey of parenting and you are worried because there are no schools who taught you how to become a parent. You don’t know anything about it, all you can rationalize in your bewildered mind is “if my parents did it, I also can do it”.
Days, weeks, months went by, you were surprised of yourself because you were able to provide the physical needs of your child. Such a joy in your heart despite the sleepless nights and exhausting routines of feeding, cradling and changing diapers. Nothing can change the fact that you are a parent now. But this is just the introductory period of parenting, there’s a long way to go. For now, all you wanted to be is a good parent to your child/children, but how?.
Actually, there are 4 types of parenting styles.
You will never know what kind of parent you are until you become one. At first, you juggle all this parenting style at once because again no one taught you how. You only will able to put them into perspective when your instinct uprooted by your parents’ style kicked in. The question is, do you already know what kind of parent are you or you want to be? It is important that you can identify which style you practice because your children’s future actions and decisions will depend on it.
4 parenting styles according to Dr. Maryann Rosenthal, co-author of Be A Parent Not A Pushover.
Authoritarian parents are very strict and controlling. they have a strong sense of justice and of the need for obedience. They’re big believers in clearly stated rules. If their kids don’t see the light ( behave as ordered), then those teens feel the heat ( be punished). Such parents take a dim view of being challenged. Give and take with their children is discouraged.
Thus these parents are highly demanding but not very responsive. Researchers believe children of authoritarian parents tend to timid, have lower self-esteem, lack spontaneity, and rely on an unusual degree on the voice of authority.
While retaining authority and control, these parents are warmer and more communicative than Authoritarian parents. Authoritative parents seek a balance between the teen’s desire for independence and the parents’ desire to be listened to. These parents are demanding and responsive. They’re assertive but not intrusive or restrictive. they want their children to be assertive as well as socially responsive and self-regulated as well as cooperative.
The best-adjusted children, researchers have found, often have parents with Authoritative style. Both the Authoritarian and Authoritative parents have high expectations for their children but the Authoritative parent encourages more freedom of expression. So the child more likely develops a sense of independence. Such kids tend to develop into more competent adults than children brought up in other styles.
Permissive parents, while often arm and accepting make few demands on their children. They’re lenient, avoid confrontation, and allow considerable self-regulation. They may worry about thwarting the child’s creativity and sense of self. They’re much more responsive than they are demanding.
Sometimes the Permissive style is based on confusion. the parents are so out of touch with the pre-adolescent and adolescent world that the best they can do is try to be pa to their child. So they tend to give their kids what they ask for and hope that they are loved for their accommodating style.
Other Permissive Parents want to compensate for what themselves lacked as children. Perhaps they grew up in poverty and/or had parents who were overly strict. So as a result, seeing themselves as an ally to their child, these parents bend over backward to give the child both freedom and the material goods they lacked. Yet other Permissive parents act conditionally. They view the maturing child as a mini-adult and give him or her what he or she wants, provided the child satisfies certain parental demands. Making good grades, for example, maybe linked to freedom and material benefits.
Or, at its most lax extreme, permissiveness may take the form of indifference. the parents are just too busy, poor troubles, or self-involved to exert much control. They give material goods and freedom in return for the child’s implicit promise to demand much from the parent.
The uninvolved parent demands almost nothing and gives almost nothing in return, except near-absolute freedom. this style is low in both being demanding and responsiveness. At its worst, it can verge into neglect.
Whatever style you have as a parent, nothing can explain the joy within us even if it is so demanding. We were not prepared yet as a human being, it seems we’re destined to take the responsibility. It is an exciting, challenging, never-ending adventure of a lifetime. But the big question again is, How are we going to be good parents?. As we embark on this journey of parenthood, I would like to invite you to join me in a facebook group called “Journey in Parenting” https://www.facebook.com/groups/408471493182865/ . In this way, we can support each other, share, express our joy as well as our challenges and have some views and opinions based on other parent’s experiences. To all parents, God bless all of us and may we have a Joyful Journey in Parenting.